My Story: Sexual Exhaustion and Porn-Induced Erectile Dysfunction

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I spent seven years of my life struggling with porn and masturbation addiction. The longer it went on the more hope I lost, the more I masturbated, the more I isolated myself. Sometimes I would masturbate up to 9 times per day. Sometimes I would make the sessions last as long as I could, edging towards the point of no return and then slowing right down as I was on the cusp of ejaculating and then working back up again.

That was my routine.

I knew all of the porn stars names, collected a vast amount of porn (two terabytes!), organized neatly on several external hard drives but still found myself needing to watch something I hadn’t seen before. It got to the point where I was masturbating with an almost flaccid penis and practically ejaculating dust.

I bought a fleshlight, thinking that I had become too accustomed to my hand and maybe something closer to a vagina would help me but I couldn’t stay hard enough to get the “benefit”. I discovered that I could only get hard with some assistance. If I didn’t touch myself nothing would happen down there at all.

When I realized I had a huge problem and tried to stop, 90% of the time I couldn’t get past three days without masturbating to porn and the whole ordeal was such a struggle and took so much effort that I couldn’t focus on anything else.

I felt depressed, I had no energy. I avoided my friends as much as possible. I avoided socializing in general and found it increasingly difficult. The prospect of ever losing my virginity was just a dream.

There was a girl that I really liked, to this day I still think fondly of her and she liked me as well, but try as she might I passed on every opportunity she subtlety (and not so subtlety) presented to me because I knew that in the state I was in I would not be able to perform, which would have been devastating for me and disappointing for her. Eventually she gave up on me and I continued my downward spiral into self-abuse.

As I became more aware of my problem I began to research online. I was following the advice of self-purported doctors and anonymous forum users, spending a lot of money on different supplements, I was exercising, I was doing all the things that can actually help but avoiding the main thing that was holding me back, which was excessive porn and masturbation.

I never regarded myself as someone that was weak-willed but for some reason I felt that I was powerless. When I had managed to go a few white-knuckle days without masturbating, at the back of my mind I thought to myself, “if I’m successful I will never be able to masturbate again because I cannot imagine having to go through this quitting process every time! Besides, I LIKE masturbating and I WANT to be able to masturbate again, I just want to do it in a healthy way and with a fully working penis!” And it was thoughts like those that helped me convince myself to give in to my urges. Sit back down. And knock one out.

But one day I started to think about how much of this was in my mind. I started thinking this way because I went on holiday with a couple of friends for a week in Prague. I had a lot of fun, drank like a fish and probably destroyed most of my brain cells. It was when I got home that I realized I had passed through an entire week without masturbating or porn and not only that, I hadn’t even thought about it or felt any withdrawals (which were my biggest fear before the holiday started). In fact, I felt great! I felt energized! A great holiday can do that for you but I understood a piece of the puzzle: focus.

And what did I do? I masturbated, of course. How else would I celebrate? I was back at home, back in the environment I spent most of my time. Back in the place where, psychologically, I had anchored the need to masturbate and watch porn.
Afterwards I felt ashamed of myself as I put another tissue in the trash and then in a flash I understood another piece of the puzzle: environment.

As time went on and I began to reflect more, I started to really try and look at myself objectively. Honestly.

I realized why I was abusing myself in this way. I noticed which emotional states acted as triggers for PMO and I saw how I could finally escape. And not only escape, but improve myself in the process.

The post above is a sample from my comprehensive recovery program, Stop… The Easy Way.

Comments

  1. Alfredo says:

    I am curious about Dr. Lin and the feedback that other people may have from him. it seems like some people on his webpage have good results, but they are all old posts and none very recent at all. Does anyone know if he is bogus or not?

    • John says:

      Dr Lin mixes the truth with bullshit and you won’t find anyone that has fully recovered just by taking his advice, which is why they all look elsewhere. Some people are more forgiving of his bad advice and feel that he redeems himself when he says something correct, but those things can all be traced back to the source.

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