Sexual Reboot Forum › depresion and morning wood
This topic contains 4 replies, has 1 voice, and was last updated by Philip 4 years, 8 months ago.
September 13, 2013 at 5:36 am #1542
iv spent the last couple days deliberating on whether to post this. Now that i feel a little better i think it makes sense to share.
I spent basically the whole summer being together with my gf. She was the girl that i did all my experimenting with and i was still deeply in love with her. She was the first girl i had sex with and we had been together almost two years. She knew about my problems and since as of yet very few people have healed their problems of SE we decided that when we went to school we would be single until i healed my problems. I figured it was the only way to be fair to her and she seemed to understand. It was the hardest thing i ever had to and cried in front of her about it numerous times. it made my mild depresion from SE alot worse.
So when we got to school about two weeks ago we still kept talkin and saying shit like i miss u and i love u all that stuff couples do. I realize now what we did was so fucking unhealthy but i cant do anything about it now. Anyway this past weekend was her first weekend up at school and she stopped texting and calling me the whole weekend. I didnt want to be over bearing or anything so i didnt make a big deal out of it. But i couldnt help it but my instincts caused me to get a bad feeling about it. Then monday morning we finally talk again and she tells me…..i hooked up with a guy.
I know to alot of you this may not seem like a big deal. Especially since we werent together she technically had every right. But when we talked abotu what happend i was obviously upset and hurt. She did not seem to care in the least. as a matter of fact she was extremely cold and distant. I had never experienced something like this from her she has always loved talking to me and i never imagined that she would hurt me like this especially so fast into college. Anyway i even asked her how she felt about me now and how she was able to just move on so fast. She basically said that she didnt really feel the same and that she didnt really wanna be with me anymore…..I have never been that hurt in my life. I was so fucking heart broken i wept and just broke down to the worse iv been since all this started.
This brings me to the SE part of this story. Before i got this news i was actually starting to feel alot alot better. My depression from SE was lifting due to the fact that i was starting to get really optimistic from working with hardasnails, my experiments, my knewly aquired knowledge. Plus i was really happy about the functioning of my dick. It seemed like my ED was relatively cured and i was getting nighttime and morning wood alot and had no trouble ever getting up wit my girl.
Since iv got the news on monday iv been so depressed and heart broken that my dick has not gotten hard once. Literally every day before this even when i ejaculated i would still get at least one boner at night that would wake me up. my dick feels very similar to the way it did when i first found out about SE about 5 months ago. Its smaller, feels harder soft, and just dosnt feel like it could get hard at all.
Now dont get me wrong i know this has to be linked to the tremendous pain, heartbreak, betrayal, anger, disapointment, and depression that im feeling. My erectile functioning plumeted the moment this happend so it has to be the explanation. I thought it was important to share because iv seen people say that your mood is highly important to recovery. this is absolutly true. im trying hard to fight my sadness but its so fucking hard. Just when things were looking up and i was beggining to feel better i got a knock out punch that really sent me right back down onto the canvas.
i wanted to post this here because even though all my friends have been great and really supportive and keep tellin me what a fucking cunt she is for what she did they still fail to understand the whole picture. They know a little bit about my problems but unless you have SE there is no way you can understand what a horrible and debilatating condition it is. there advice is usually ” F*ck it bro bang the first slut you can find”. Im not gona lie if i was healthy and in this situation that may actually make me feel a lil better. but because of SE i cant even really go after girls…i cant help but think whats the point? Theres a chance ill have ED and most likely ill have PE. I dono about you guys but having PE makes sex absolutly no fun for me. Knowing that i did a terrible job and the girl isnt satisfied in the least would F*ck with me so much.
I cant even get that revenge on my ex. I know this is immature but the way i feel right now i really want to hurt her back in any way i can. But unfortuantly while shes gona be out getting with guys probably every weekend im gona be stuck researching, waiting for my final consulation with hardasnails and being depressed about my shattered life.
Anyway you guys really dont have to respond to this if u dont want to. i just needed somewere to spill my feelings where i thought people in similar situations to me would understand my pain. Not to mention just writing this made me a feel a lil better. i can at least take comfort that im working with the best doctor i could find, i believe iv done all the right testing to get to the root of all my problems, i believe that i have alot of good knowledge. hopefully whatever higher power exists out there will take pity on me and everything will work out. if i can at least get my health back it will make dealing with any of these problems ten times better. even if it take a year….two years whatever i just pray that ill be able to put this miserable period of my life behind me.
If you read all this i love u lol.There is another way that you can stop porn addiction, chronic masturbation and recover your sexual health without fighting it with willpower. With the right mindset you won't even relapse. You can learn more about the recovery program hereSeptember 13, 2013 at 5:38 am #1546
Thanks man. you have no idea how much that meant and helped. There is no doubt that most girls are fucking dumb. sad part is i always knew that when it came to my ex she was extremely deficient when it came to the common sense and logic part. Your right when you say SE makes you vulnerable and makes it so much worse. I did take the break up mad personally but im starting to realize i souldnt. F*ck it. Oh well im starting to feel better. Im trying to focus really hard on getting better with SE. I truly feel that if i can cure this bullshit nothing could keep me down. thanks again.September 13, 2013 at 5:39 am #1548
i know exactly what your dealing with bro. the same shit happened to me over the summer a month or two ago, but to a much lesser extent. everything was going great and i was getting with this chick that i really liked for like a week and a half, and then all this bs went down and she started hooking up with other guys. it was crazy, i suddenly went from being very confident, extroverted, stable, and happy to a complete wreck. her basically leaving me (even though we weren’t “going out” or anything) and me being self-conscious about my penis shape and girth turned me into a nervous, antisocial, extremely depressed bum in a matter of days. i went from getting morning wood just about everyday and getting spontaneous boners when i didn’t want them to not even being able to get up with porn. it was unbelievable.
i stayed like that for a while, and let me tell you, its really fucking bad for you. my symptoms just got worse. ive been doing better recently but the harder you stick with it the harder its gonna be to snap out of it. its almost feels like im addicted to this depressed way of thinking.
so look, i can almost guarantee you that you’ll be over this sooner or later. as said, your at a low right now and you’ll be at an up in a couple months or a year. having said that, save yourself the trouble of feeling like shit and realize it will pass. just say F*ck it and put this shit behind you and get on with what life has to offerSeptember 13, 2013 at 5:40 am #1549
how are things going with HANs by the way? how does he treat SE?September 13, 2013 at 5:41 am #1552
Thanks again for the advice. Iv actually been feeling somewhat better especially today…..F*ck that dumb retarted ho. Anyway im still unfortunatly waiting for my final blood tests of amino acids, neurotransmitters, and cortisol to come through. I did get my aldosterone reading back today and it was really low. It was a 4. Unfortuantly the scale they gave me was kinda retarted but it seemed liek it was out of 3-16. So 4 is really low. I think the low aldosterone might help explain why i have frequent urination. But thats actually been getting better so who knows.
I think in the next 2 to 4 weeks i sould have all the blood test and will have scheduled an apointment with HANS. as soon as i know whats good with my case i will definetly spread the knowlege.
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